Hello Sluggo:

I decided the world would be a much better place if we all had some nice Spam Musubi merchandise. So, a few weeks back, I flew to San Francisco and hired a crack photographer (okay, he was actually a photographer on crack whom I met stumbling along Fillmore late one night) and headed over to May’s Coffee Shop in Japan Center’s Kintetsu Mall for our shoot. After hours of searching for the right omusubi, we finally happened upon this one, and got a few shots of it before the temptation became too much and I ate it.

Now, you can own a piece of history with these spiffy new Spam Musubi shirts and other select items. And they don’t even say “Got Spam?” on the back—just unfettered Hormellian goodness on the front. Head on over to my Spam Musubi store and get yours today!

I haven’t figured out if God-Biscuit is swooping down to save the people of India or if he just likes a good curry. Anyone?

Years after the fact and the Goatse stuff just keeps popping up all over the place.

If I weren’t married to my hardshell case and the wonderful feeling I get every time I remove my iPod from it and see it in its unscratched brand-spankin’ new-esque glory, I would have to have the iGoatse. It’s even available in black, so you can listen to the Misfits (aka the Misgoats) and feel all gushy and warm inside… Starting from the bottom, of course.

What we really need to see at Wal-Mart this holiday season is the TubGirl® Brand Chocolate Fountain! Ohhh, make your Holiday Party special.

Anyone who is worth their salt in punk rock history knows The Misfits. Last night I was trudging around online, trying to figure out exactly where I lost the enthusiasm I once had for punk—reminiscing about how innocent, nihilistic and yet idealistic it all really was and how I wish it could still be that way—when I happened upon the Misfits Wikipedia entry. I realized that their history has got to be one of the most colorful in terms of outrageous makeovers, reinventions and regroupings of any band ever… That Jerry Only is a real master of marketing it seems.

Then it occurred to me that there is a bigger merger possibility here that is hinted at in a Misfits t-shirt for sale at their website…

Am I the first to notice the similarity to our favorite gut-wrenching homoerotic Internet meme? I searched around for a bit and decided I would be the first to carry this vision to fruition…

And so, unveiled here for the first time, I bring you… THE MISGOATS!

Our entry into the bizarre world of Toenail Removal videos on YouTube. It’s lame, but it’s real.

I’ll link directly to 2Girls1Cup, but BoingBoing won’t. Can’t say I blame them, really, since they probably have way more money invested in their web presence, not to mention a rep to uphold. Me? Heheh, I don’t really care.

If you’ve read this far without clicking the link, you’ll benefit in reading my NSFW (not safe for work, or, alternately, now show friends and workmates) warning: Don’t click the link if you’re sitting in a precarious situation in your cubicle at your place of employment. You know what I mean.

If you clicked it already, God bless ya.

Now, as far as watching 2Girls1Cup with family around, be my guest. You might even get a good laugh like this guy did in the video below. But don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

Known as I am for my hatred of the Holiday Season®, would you be surprised at all to find that I have chosen Goatse as an inspirational holiday illustration? Of course not. So, while supplies last (i.e., until it is removed), I would like to share with you my vision of Holiday Cheer.

And if it is removed, here is a wee movie for you to enjoy.